This full moon, I’m not here to teach.
I’m here to tell the truth.
The journey of self-worship didn’t begin for me on a yoga mat.
It began in heartbreak.
Here’s the story of one of those moments.
A crack that became a clue.
A pain that pointed me home.
May it stir something in you.
The Illusion of Love
Before I became a yoga teacher or met the psychic who told me I was supposed to be a Radical Forgiveness Coach I was a completely different version of myself.
The hot mess version.
I spent many years clubbing, drinking, smoking cigarettes, and dating all the wrong guys.
There was one relationship that still sticks with me.
It’s tattooed on my heart.
I had been dating this guy, my friend’s brother. From the moment we met, we were inseparable. For two whole months, it was daily phone calls, kisses, good mornings. I really thought maybe this one was different.
Then one night, I got sick. Some kind of stomach pain had me curled up on the couch. I figured he’d stay. He was my boyfriend, after all.
But something felt off.
He kept pacing, saying he had to go. It was strange, unlike him. Then he got in the shower, and something in me… some trembling knowing deep in my gut… told me to check his phone.
And there it was.
A voicemail from his ex.
They had plans that night. Plans he never mentioned.
I still remember how my mind went blank and how my body just froze.
At that moment, I couldn’t feel my heart breaking into tiny pieces because I was in a state of shock.
I was sick and waiting for comfort. And he was leaving to be with someone else.
Just like that, our love bubble shattered, and I was met with that same damn question I’d asked a hundred times:
“Why am I never enough to stay for?”
The Pattern I Couldn’t Escape
I didn’t have the words at the time.
I didn’t know about father wounds or abandonment issues or subconscious patterns.
I just knew I felt disposable again.
That night wasn’t the turning point.
But it was another crack in the dam.
Another heavy ache in a long pattern of heartbreak.
Eventually, after having enough heartbreaks like that one, I started to ask different questions.
Why do I keep ending up here?
Why do I keep dating guys who leave, who can’t commit?
And then, one day, years later, after yet another disappointment, it hit me:
If the pattern kept repeating… maybe it was something in me that kept it repeating.
It was a painful realization.
Bittersweet.
Because it meant that the common denominator in all those relationships… was me.
It hurt.
But it also opened a door.
A New Way of Seeing
What if the ache wasn’t just pain…
What if it was a breadcrumb?
A clue. A signal. A sacred nudge.
Maybe some of our darkest moments aren’t just suffering, they’re invitations.
To go deeper.
To return home to ourselves.
To finally love the parts of us that have been quietly aching all along.
And maybe this was the beginning of everything:
The night I realized that the journey wasn’t about being chosen by men.
It was about choosing me.
Sacred Reflection
If any part of my story touched something in you, take a moment to sit with it. Below are a few questions to help you reflect, reconnect, and listen more deeply to your own heart.
- What is something you once hoped someone else would give you that you might begin offering to yourself now?
- If heartbreak were a teacher, what lesson might it have been gently trying to reveal?
- What kind of love is your heart truly longing for at this stage in your life?
Stay with me.
In Part 2 (available in the Inner Circle), I’ll share how that moment cracked me open and how the search for love led me to something far greater: a devotion to myself.
P.S.
Watch this if you’re feeling heavy.
If this stirred anything tender in your heart, I’ve recorded a Violet Flame clearing for you. It’s a gentle energy practice to help release heaviness and return to a calm, grounded space.
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